id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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