end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
