fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
