that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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