Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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