Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
