i barfeds in our rink
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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