he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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