We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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