I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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