if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
