shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
