Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
