i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
