You're my little dorito
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
