I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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