i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
