We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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