last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
