We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
