too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i love accidental penises.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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