The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
