Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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