i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
