You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
