I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
