So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You can't motorboat a personality
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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