I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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