ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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