Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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