Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
