I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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