you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
