I cannot find my penis.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
