the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
