dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
