i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
