does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
