I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
