I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
