If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You have to summon your inner elephant
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
