Christians are straight up FREAKS
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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