walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
