you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
