Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
