i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
