My sheets look like a crime scene.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dear god my vagina.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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