Soap is not a condiment
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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