1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
