mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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