Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
