..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
