literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
