I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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