"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
