When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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