i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
