There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
